Think about it. The one thing you are either too excited or too ashamed to say. The words that control what stays on your body and what stays in it. When it comes right down to it, the last thing you want to say is "I love you."
Personally, I don't care for the words. Being a Christian, my parents have told me for years that they have been praying for my future wife and that someday, someone will love me. I have been raised in a world where the words "I love you" are thrown around with no meaning whatsoever and where the ignorant have given weight to the most empty phrase in our language. There is a difference between loving and being in love, of course, and I am not referring to the love that your parents have for you, that you have for your obnoxious little brother, or the love that you feel for a God who answers prayers. As per the title, I am of course referring to a romantic side of love. The "love" you feel when your boyfriend tells you he missed you when he just left you two hours ago. The "love" you feel when your girlfriend is about to be blown off the sidewalk by a gust of wind and you catch her just in time to save her. However, this love has been contrued to be more commonly interpreted in a less meaningful way. You know what I'm talking about. The "love" you feel when your girlfriend's jeans are ALMOST off and she suddenly seems unsure. The "love" you feel when your boyfriend just smacked you across the face in a drunken rage and left you crying on the floor. The "love" you feel when you know there's no love at all.
One of the most common arguments I've heard for love is that God tells us to love everyone. That's true, God tells us to love our neighbor as ourself (and I'm not even going to touch on the narcissism of that one) and to love our enemies. God tells us to love everyone. But God (in my opinion) does not ask or demand that we love anyone romantically. While yes, He has given us the capability to love, I believe romanticism to be a human creation as a justification to pervert the love God gave to us. In my opinion, God would not give us a second chance to obliterate our hope and happiness. Love is something that is such a high hope, why would He allow us to "fall in love" with someone that won't love us back? Love is a pure thing, so how can it be that He can watch us pour ourselves 100% into something that won't retain anything? The fact that 43% of marriages, which are [supposedly] based on love ("to love, to cherish and to hold," and all that malarkey) says to me that love nowadays has no weight. While I don't believe that God has predestined one person for us to love, I do feel that love is COMPLETELY mutual, as in if the person does not love you back, you do not love them. And with that being said, there is no such thing in "love at first sight" because love is a growth, a progressive relationship. But if you have to rely on the "love" of others to find love yourself, that doesn't sound like love to me. That sounds like peer pressure.
I don't know. I don't know if I believe in love, I don't know if I'm capable of love. But the closest thing to what I know is that I know I probably don't deserve love. Maybe I'm being foolish. Maybe I'm being stupid. Hell, maybe I'm in love and that's why I'm thinking about it this much. I doubt that. Regardless. Romantic love is such a perversion, it's a tool for manipulation of those around you or even yourself. It's an excuse to ignore who you are or an excuse to pretend someone is something they're not. And until someone gives me a REAL reason to think differently.. I won't. The more I talk to anyone about this, the more I realize that love isn't for me. It's not fair for me to try to understand an invention of the human mind with no form of explanation, no more fair than it is to ask me to understand a complex genetic code fresh out of middle school. Love is an unrealistic expectation held over the heads of the ignorant and easily manipulated... I don't want to be either of those. Somebody please prove me wrong. I don't like this ideology, but there's so little proof that I've ever seen to give me reasonable doubt. One real "I love you" cannot outweigh the hundreds of "I love you[r body]" and "I love you [you bastard]" claims. I dont know.
I don't believe I've ever been in love, but I think I have approached it. When that was happening, it was an excellent feeling, and whether or not it was real, the security it brought was well worth the abject nature of my years beforehand. I suppose love plays the role of a placebo. Whether or not it's real, sometimes it works as if it is.
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